Book Review.
If you change nothing, nothing will change (Albert Einstein).
I have given you the match. Only you can light your own candle. (Ramash)
What would you do if you weren’t afraid?
Great, disturbing, question! Queries of the existential heart force a sustained stepping back and out from the noise of our minds, sensory inputs and infinite distractions, and then, in a place of solitude and silence, asking yourself over and over and over again: what would I do if I were not afraid (of doing it)? Doing what? Clue: Listen carefully for the soft, quiet sound, within. The answer may just emerge from your essence, your ‘soul.’
What would you passionately do without fear of failure? How do you sidestep paralysing conditioned fear? How do you get out of your own way? What would you do if the best way is not to be afraid of failing forward? In other words, what is your unique purpose in this one short, precious life you are living, that will be dotted with stumbles and successes?
Would the power of your purpose completely override, dilute, or minimise the fear of exposing faults and making mistakes? What if you could find possible answers hidden in a completely different, unexplored space? Are you curious to sniff around such secret abodes of your mind?
These questions are mentally disrupting as it challenges you to visualise the limits of your comfort zones, pushing you to its edge, where all the interesting things are and happen. The mind, naturally, draws itself to the safety of the centre of comfort, a contained place of short term peace and fragile contentment; filling the bottomless existential vacuum. That is the normal for the multitudes.
But there is no growth, no movement, no happiness, when the existential vacuum dominates the mental life. Just the slow death of curiosity and joy as a consequence of averting your gaze and mishandling the full catastrophe of your life. The existential vacuum drains the life force - epidemic levels of depression, anxiety, burnout, alcoholism, addiction, domestic violence … The antidote. Don’t be normal! (Ask Jeff Bezos, founder of Amazon.) Get your existential stuff right and your life will lift off.
And any shift to the edge is daunting. The whole world (your life journey) is a series of crossing very narrow bridges. How do you do this? The mystic and author of this aphorism, R’ Nachman of Breslav, suggests you remove the fear bit! No fear, at all. Just walk those bridges. One bridge at a time.
Crossing bridges.
In 1983, I trekked the Machu Picchu trail in Peru. For a couple of weeks all my needs for survival were carried on my back: tent, sleeping bag, food, clothing, toiletries … My long back took the strain of the load, but my hands and feet, eyes and ears were free to experience and front the snow capped Andes, the forests and pastures and the delights of the local Aztec culture.
A couple of days in we needed to cross a raging river. The bridge was a rickety wooden one that rocked when stepped on and swayed with the swirling wind. There was light rain splashing on my face, my hair soaking, and hands were ice cold. The individual floorboards were slippery and wrinkled with ageing splinters.
My turn came to cross the fifty meter bridge. I have never been so scared in my life, but with urging of my fellow walkers, I took one tentative step at a time, holding the freezing protective steel cable, even though each few centimetres seemed like eternity, every tiny movement I thought was my last moment on earth. There was no turning back, just faith that I will cross the bridge. My leader shouted out over the roar of the river: “Don’t look back. Don’t stand still. Just move forward.” Wise words - retroactively I believe the entire trip was for this terrifying experience, and the words of how to act despite the fear.
Obviously, I survived, exhilarated, and can now appreciate the idiom that the journey of life has many narrow scary bridges to cross, most of them populating the mind space, figments of our imagination. I try front each bridge, now, with determination and mindfulness, grit and acceptance - pure awareness of the current experience, without judgement.
That is why this question of doing something important without the paralysis of fear, or in spite of the dread, is so magisterial. What would you do if you were not afraid of doing it? What would you do if you positioned yourself at the edge of comfort and discomfort? Courage is continuously crossing your bridges, (and bridges unfold in unexpected ways), despite the fear.
Who moved my cheese?
This question, what would you do if weren’t afraid, first appears in the book Who Moved My Cheese? written by Spencer Johnson, and amplified by Facebook who sourced and printed this question and stuck it on their notice boards. A potential recruit, Michal Oshman, read it whilst nervously waiting for a job interview. She thought about it more and more, researched it, reflected, practiced findings, and ultimately wrote an inspiring book about her answer.
Michal, by all accounts a forty-something superwoman - successful at work for multinationals, a loving marriage and mother - seemed to have it all. Except she was riddled by deep anxiety and doubt. Her body shook from ever-present panic.
Despite multiple attempts at psychoanalytic psychotherapy and eastern contemplative methods she could not shake off her past memories and current body sensations.
Core beliefs.
Until there was a mindshift, a profound change at her core belief level. Aaron Beck, the father of cognitive therapy, describes a simple model: a few core beliefs are the genes of our thinking, that convert into an array of rules and assumptions (call them proteins), that finally consolidate into automatic thinking (a multitude of integrated cellular functions).
The first membrane all information pierces is automatic thinking, and results in short chains of conscious algorithms emerging out of emotional memories informed by assumptions, rules, distortions, the direct sap line from core beliefs.
The fundamental problem, of course, is the core belief. If, for example, you believe you are ‘unlovable’, then you make rules that, for instance, you will never be loved, cannot love, and love doesn’t exist. Then when a possibility of authentic accepting from or giving to another, the core belief will block experiencing a loving encounter.
Many times we repeat this subconscious mental process consolidating an immovable, unrealistic mind habit. The self-fulfilling prophecy of unlovability gathers strength and momentum. Ditto for the other primary core belief of .. ‘I am not capable and I am useless’ (so why bother to take challenging risks and put in the effort because you can’t make a difference, ever). So many, many lost opportunities. You make your luck!
So, Professor Beck concludes, recognise the dysfunctional core belief, change the core belief, then form knew realistic rules and assumptions, and the way you automatically think (‘algorithms’) and respond and feel will change as you respond differently to the unfolding moments of your day. Same situation, different response.
You got to experience and do it to believe it. Repeatedly. to consolidate the new root belief. No short cuts. The arc of the quality of your life changes. No doubt.
Jewish Wisdom.
Oshman’s discovery - a Jewish-Israeli living in London, working then as a senior executive at Facebook, a wife and mom of three kids under ten - was the application of traditional Jewish Wisdom: it’s ageless depth and breadth of understanding of the mysteries of the human condition. Jewish Wisdom informs a growth mindset and provides a different perspective about the issues of daily life, head on.
Her proposed model begins by understanding the central message of the annual festival of Pesach, the weeklong Passover, that has at it’s core the recitation of the Seder at the evening meal. The text (Hagadah) recites the exodus of the Israelites from the long era of slavery by the Egyptians, imposed by successive hard hearted Pharoahs.
On the surface the Hagadah is a history lesson, but at a deeper level it is a self-reflective exercise in examining the current personal slavery of your own mind. What is the core belief restraining your best version of your yourself. What is your current slave master? What are you, really, afraid of? How is your inner Pharoah preventing you from becoming the best version of yourself? Can you ask him to let your fears go!
In the daily Jewish prayers it is an obligation to remember twice daily the exodus from Egypt. Why ask the mystics, not once a day, once a month, once a year, but in the morning and evening? To the mindful amongst us, it is reminder of our own mind constructing fears emerging out of the nonsense of distorted core beliefs, all day and night. We need to break out of mental bondage and start the long, beautiful journey to our promised land, flowing symbolically with milk (purpose) and honey (meaning). How?
Michal weaves a wonderful, authentic workbook around ten themes - each chapter concludes with piercing questions - that begins with the exodus and ends, as a spiritual twist - a rotation and return to your core self. To your inner flame that translates and broadcasts your purpose, your will to meaning, in the tradition of Viktor Frankl’s insights of those surviving the death camps of Auschwitz. Meaning was a life saver.
The Inner Flame.
And that source of self, of meaning, is the flame that burns within. It is your life force, beyond scientific study, contains it’s own complex language, that needs spiritual nourishment through mindful relationships, of acts of love, of volunteering, of performing rituals and and times for daily reflection. It is nullifying the ego, the story of me, mine, and I, the animal side of the soul, to serve the Godly soul. Kind of bringing heaven down to earth in every thought, speech and action.
And this fundamental shift of her core belief system - from a need to be perfect in all her situations to the soul need to be driven by purpose - made all the difference in all areas of her life. From fear of being afraid, of losing that is replaceable, of need for the impossibility of perfection, and pivoting towards the love of growth, of challenge, of effort, of nurturing the inner flame of her soul.
As I write and shape my third draft of letter 27 from an African Psychiatrist, it is a few hours before the holiest day of the Jewish calendar, Yom Kippur, the day of atonement. A 25 hour fast - most of the waking part is praying in the synagogue, away from screens, work, transport, shops, traffic phones. A perfect setting to reflect on the profoundest of all questions: what would you do if you weren’t afraid?
Finding purpose.
I am setting up my proposition: reading, writing and teaching about matters of the mind and soul, through a traditional Jewish Wisdom lens. The curriculum is not only for the religious Jew, but for all Jews, and all human beings open to a beautiful life informed by universal values, purpose, meanings - becoming a mentsch in all dealings. (Part 1, personal work).
And correcting some part of the world (where, what and who you can help) that you were created to solve. Jewish wisdom is open to all Homo sapiens sapiens (the thinking species) who desire more than the naked, sterile mundane; who want more transcendence, joy, fulfilment, by transforming the mundane into regular spiritual encounters; by helping others who are suffering and needs encouragement.
My tikkun olam (bringing more light, less darkness) to the world is my investment in QuickBuck, an online website and mobile app. QB is a platform that links job seekers, predominantly students, to job providers, similar to a dating platform, that is safe, secure, and has a payment portal. For example, a job provider needs a maths tutor, and a fourth year engineering student can provide brilliant lessons. Or the need for an au pair to look after kids on a weekend. The possible opportunities are endless.
Quick Buck, officially launching on 1st October, 2021, is the brainchild of the young, dynamic entrepreneurs and chartered accountants, Ryan Polakow and Joel Trapido. The purpose of QuickBuck is a deliberate attempt to create jobs, build skillsets and small businesses. Why am I investing? Why am I an angel investor?
Highest form of charity.
The Rambam, Maimonides, who lived a thousand years ago and whose writings are a core resource of contemporary Jewish Wisdom, describes a multilevel model to guide the process of charity giving. In brief, the lowest level of charity is where the donor and recipient know each other. For example, a beggar on the pavement knows who passes the coin, as does the donor know the identity of the beggar.
The highest level, by far, is to create sustainable jobs for others - the dignity of work, that enables feeding a family, a bed to sleep on, paying off debt and educating children. And here in career development, the capital provider of funds is a crucial cog in the creation of value added work by investing in the best of mobile technology and business acumen. This is the sweet spot where I my find my purpose, what I am needed for my Tikkun. My phone is open for ideas, for contacts, for you finding your purpose. (Part 2, helping others)
It seems, for me, actualising my purpose is a natural pivot from a long career of healing the ailments of the body (first), then the malcontents of the mind (second), to becoming a physician of the suppressed, starving soul (third and final), that burns bright in all of us. And helping in a small way the creation of meaningful work for the unemployed.
That is what I am going to do, and I am not afraid to do it!
Dr Jonathan D Moch
Psychiatrist, Writer
Website (plus previous letters)
jonathandmoch.substack.com
Private correspondence and appointments.
jonathandmoch@gmail.com
Links.
1). Michal Oshman
2). Aaron Beck
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aaron_T._Beck
(27). Letter From An African Psychiatrist.
Another great read, Jonathan. I think fear is driven by thinking you have something to lose, fearlessness occurs when you believe you've nothing to lose, when you have lost everything that has any meaning and realised your worst fears, gone to the very darkest of places, only then can you experience fearlessness. I think maybe one ought to be careful what you wish for. Living in a state of fearlessness is almost a place of demotivation, potentially numbness.. I think a little bit of fear is what makes the bridge worth crossing, the mountain worth scaling and the dream worth pursuing. Gosh, that trip to Peru sounds like the ticket.
Wonderful insight for the new year! Shana Tova 🍯